Title: It's All Fun and Games Until Somebody Gets Murdered
Author: Scott Hendricks
Genre: Mystery/lesbian
ISBN: 978-0-557-48054-8

D. Harlan Wilson returns with another ferociously mindbending collection of short fiction. Masked in absurdity, these stories reveal the horrifying an...mBlThe story: Carla Banks and Lori Williams are two roommates who share more than just a living space: their steamy evenings together ignite feelings of desire within each of them. After reuniting with Gloria, an old friend, the three of them head to Carla's parents' anniversary party at a resort. At the party, emotions run high, lovers are betrayed, and chaos ensues when a string of bloody murders breaks out! Disturbingly, the killer seems to have an eye on Carla and Lori!

Review: How much do I enjoy it when men write books with sex in them? So much. See, women tend to forget the plot and focus on satisfying their own sopping vaginas. Scott Hendricks, on the other hand, is a master at keeping the reader hooked and guessing with tight plot, fast-moving action, and danger around every corner.

While the more intelligent reader might have a shot at guessing the ending, I was totally shocked.

What impressed me most was Gloria's backstory. I ended up falling in love with the character because of how sympathetic I felt for her.

The plot totally WOW'd me, but the writing style left a few things to be desired. The dialogue sounded slightly unnatural at times and on an average, there were more syntax errors than one would find in a book published through a press. Overall, I'd give this book three stars.

They Had Goat Heads by D. Harlan Wilson

Title: They Had Goat Heads
Author: D. Harlan Wilson
ISBN: 0982628129 (isbn13: 9780982628126)

D. Harlan Wilson returns with another ferociously mindbending collection of short fiction. Masked in absurdity, these stories reveal the horrifying an...mBlBlurb: D. Harlan Wilson returns with another ferociously mindbending collection of short fiction. Masked in absurdity, these stories reveal the horrifying and hilarious faces of everyday life. Wilson tells of egg raids, hog rippers, monk spitters, fathers who take their children to pet stores to buy them whales, sociopaths who threaten to clothesline eternity, and the simple act of the story itself becoming a means of repetitive, endless torture. Put on your goat head, hop in your hovercraft, and take a ride with a juggernaut of modern imaginative fiction.

Review: It's extremely rare that I genuinely dislike a piece of fiction. So why did I dislike They Had Goat Heads? I think the answer lies in the definition of fiction.

Plot. Characters. All that jazz. In these short stories, the elements of fiction are barely discernible. The moment some semblance of plot begins to pop up, it's killed instantly by a random slew of profanity or nonsense. This weird hybrid between bad poetry and schizophrenic prose is "repetitive, endless torture" to sit through. Don't waste your money.

I'm going to two-star this one because the story "Quality of Life" managed to save it for a moment.

The Reformed Vampire Support Group

Hey guys. Jeanette here. Before I delve into this book, let me explain a little more about how things work here.

If a book was published by a small press or self published, we'll include all the info-whatsits, the isbn, a buy link, etc. If it was by a large press and we just read it for shits and giggles, we're not doing all that crap.

The second thing I should explain is I'm totally baked and I was baked throughout my reading of Catherine Jinks's The Reformed Vampire Support Group.

Basically, this book is about a bunch of vampires who have renounced their bloodsucking ways and try to live in peace with humans--but you won't find any sparkling shirtless guys here. Jinks's vampires are dead and gross, sick all the time, and uber depressing. I almost put the book down because the narrator was so depressing in the beginning. I mean, how interesting can it be to read about a bunch of vampires complaining to each other in a Tuesday night support group?

Things picked up, though, after one of the group is murdered by a slayer. That kick-starts a chain-reaction of chases, fight scenes, werewolf dog fights, violent fangings, and vampire mischeif. There are so many plot twists and I don't want to spoil them all, but...yeah.

If you like high-action things and you're a kid or teenager and you don't mind a lack of romance and you have a large attention span and you hate Twilight, this is the book for you.

...That's really all I feel I can type right now.

A Different Hunger - dark fantasy by Lila Richards

Title: A Different Hunger
Author: Lila Richards
Genre: Dark fantasy
ISBN: 978-1-877546-40-2
Price: 6.99
Publisher: Bluewood Publishing
Author blurb: In 1875 Rufus de Hunte falls in love with Serafina Radzinskaya, only
to discover she is a vampire. Torn between love and horror, he becomes embroiled
in an ancient vendetta in an attempt to save the love of his life.

Alright, that was the easy part. Now I have to synthesize my thoughts on this book, but it's a little hard to figure out where to start. I was impressed, I was really impressed. This was an entertaining read to say the least.

The first thing that came to mind as I read the first couple of chapters was, "I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said 'you're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'." Excuse my silliness, but it fits--after Rufus's father finds out he has an illegal duel pending, he plans to have the boy sent to his uncle's place in New Zealand so that any trouble he causes can't reflect poorly upon the family name. It's a quite amusing start to the novel, for those who can see the humor in it. After that plot device kicks off the story, though, it embarks on a 166-page journey of riveting romance and intense character development.

I can see Rufus becoming a reader favorite for most people who pick up this book--he's chivalrous, kind, and lovable. I, however, was really taken with Serafina. In essence, she's Rufus's matched opposite: impulsive, capricious, fiery, and a tad libertine. Too many times I've seen today's paranormal romance retreat back into the dark ages in terms of the characterization of their females--timid, submissive types are on the rise, but Lila Richards has really succeeded in giving Serafina a mind of her own and a strong-willed personality to boot.

And backstory. One thing that's hard to pull off in a novel is backstory, but these vampires have really hit the nail on the head. Serafina's backstory, as well as that of her creator, Anton Springer, really make you understand why the characters are the way they are.

Next topic: villains. If you're one of those people who looks forward to meeting the villains when you read the book, you're going to like the ones Richards presents. The principal villain, who Serafina, Rufus, and Anton must eventually face, is totally vile, but somehow, you kinda want to be like her. Her characterization just appeals to the twisted desires of the human id that we all have. To me, that's the mark of a well-developed villain.

And I won't spoil the ending here or anything, but I was really satisfied with the way the three main characters got their conclusions.

I said I was going to be honest with this first review of a current book, maybe even scathingly and brutally so, and I hate to disappoint you and myself, but I honestly and truly have nothing bad to say about A Different Hunger. If I were you, I'd definitely shell out the seven bucks to get this book.

Morgan reviews Crash

A while back, I had to submit a sample review while I was trying out for a big reviewer, so here's what I came up with for JG Ballard's Crash, placed here for your entertainment.

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It's a tried and true fact that sex sells, but it is rarely used to sell a scathing critique of our decadent society. However, Crash does just that. The premise of the story alone is enough to get many readers squirming, either in anticipation or terror--the main character, named after Ballard himself, develops a sexual fetish with car crashes that leads him on a series of misadventurous trysts, most notably with fellow disaster enthusiast Dr. Helen Remington, with whom he had his initial crash, and crazed renegade scientist and cult-figurehead Robert Vaughan.

The majority of the characters embody a seeming lack of emotion and non-opposition to free love. The cold, chrome-plated nature of the story and its inhabitants can be seen either as a cautionary peek at where society is headed or a tribute to libertinage in the age of technology. Above all, the book is concerned with the increasing role of technology as a go-between in human interactions.

That said, just because this is a social critique doesn't mean it cannot be appreciated for its steamy love scenes--some of which are quite literally steamy, taking place in crashed vehicles. There is something tender about the technical descriptions Ballard uses to portray his characters as they act out their sexual repertoire in a detached, mechanical fashion. The sex scenes all have a heavy emphasis on scars and injuries, the details of which are mercilessly graphic. The erotic content in this book caters to a niche market, but to those with an inner teratophiliac, it delivers and then some.

If Crash has one weak point, it is the delivery of the climax and ending. From page 1, the first-person narrator tells the reader the tragic ending before recounting the story's events in flashback, and when the reader reaches the conclusion, it feels rushed and unresolved. Compared to the strong development of the characters and world, the plot falls short of expectations towards the end.

In general, this was very different and a good read, especially for those who enjoy a good character story with dystopian elements. I'd definitely recommend it to any open-minded readers who need a break from the ordinary!

Jeanette reviews Splice

What is there really to say about a movie like this? It's the hard science fiction genre tailored to suit the tastes of the deviant and deranged. I love it!

We start off with a pair of geneticists trying to synthesize proteins to cure diseases. Great, right? Well, it ain't all peaches and cream over here--the corporate baddies are trying to shove them into "phase two", shut down their research and squeeze every last drop of profit out of them they can get. So what do these geneticists do? They proceed with their research anyway, creating an organism with animal and human DNA.

Behold, guys. This is Dren, the product of mad science and unauthorized experiments.

Now, the previews may make it look like Dren goes around axe-murdering people throughout the movie, but this isn't the case. The majority of the movie consists of character development of the woman geneticist, Elsa, who was abused by her mother and wanted a child she could totally control--and what better subordinate child than a science experiment grown in a lab? Unfortunately, Dren proves a little too powerful to control, and when Elsa tries to sequester her using a variety of methods from sweettalking to torture, Dren snaps. But she doesn't just murder people--oh no, she RAPES people, and after a few gender swaps, she (he? it?) manages to impregnate Elsa. The movie ends on an ambiguous note, with the corporate hotshots buying the experimental rights to Elsa's mutant embryo...what's the worst that could happen?

This film is not for the light at heart. Even I wasn't sure whether to cream my knickers or vomit after it was over. That said, it's the best thing I've seen in a theatre all year and I sure hope the director has got some more sick scifi lined up for the near future!

The Grand Opening

Today is a momentous occasion. It marks the beginning of Licentious Reviews, hosted by yours truly, Morgan, and mon petit chaton, ma soeur, Jeanette. As our name may suggest, we do fiction and music that throws morals out the window.

Just you wait, guys. We're going to be as big as Coffee Time.